That {awesome} time when I mistook vicodin for Tylenol

I hope this post doesn’t get me in legal trouble. Since this blog is *anonymous* I’m thinking I should be okay : )

I went in for IUI #3 (I know, they say after 3 you should just go straight to IVF, but I’m not sure how I feel about IVF at this moment, and our IUIs have been a little effed up because the Man just completed a surgery for varicoceles, so I’m gonna keep pushing the IUIs until the little swimmers get up to a normal level). Anywho. So my first IUI (which should be a separate post) involved a tenaculum, and a vasovagal response that ended with me fainting on the bathroom floor and vomiting into the hands of 3 of the nurses at the clinic. How’s that for an icebreaker?! Now I’m the “Vasovagal” girl. Stellar. Wanting to avoid this response at all costs, I now come prepared to my IUIs with my favorite music (Mason Jennings), a dramamine and a tylenol. As I’ve mentioned before, I’d have a drink if it didn’t eff up my fertility and/or make it so I couldn’t drive home.

As I’m prepping my meds and practicing my meditative breathing I start to panic. Dramamine- check. Mmm I can’t wait for the glowing halo to start. But wait! Where’s the tylenol? I know I have at least 2 bottles- one from the first time I bought it and the second from when I lost the first bottle. Knowing I didn’t have time to go out an buy bottle #3, I realized that the Man had leftover Tylenol from his surgery- SCORE! And it was extra strength. Sounds good to me- anything that helps me not feel the kind nurse tugging my cervix into place. I pop a pill and call the Man to let him know I’m going in for my close up. I casually say I took one of his Tylenol, and this is what transpired,

Me: “Hey- I’m getting ready to drive in. FYI I took one of your extra strength tylenol, I don’t want to have one of those reactions again.

Man: “I don’t have any extra strength tylenol. Do you mean you took a Vicodin?”

Me: “The label doesn’t say Vicodin. What bottle was your Vicodin in?”

Man: “The only pill bottle on the dresser.”

Me: “Oopsie… I guess I called to tell you I took your Vicodin. I’ll call ya later!”

Man: “Seriously?! You can’t drive, well, you have to drive, but… just be careful!”

I made my way to the clinic just fine, and then to acupuncture afterwards. Let me say that it was almost an enjoyable experience. It got a little awkward when the sample took a while to process, so I had to wait in the waiting room. The 30 minutes felt like hours and the girl staring at me from across the room was a helpful reminder that I looked drugged. Maybe the relaxation helped the tiny numbers of sperm swim up to fertilize. Maybe it made my egg extra chill and open to the idea of being fertilized. Either way, It was a good experience and I’m hoping the third time is the charm : )

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