Silence

We got the call on Thursday. I waited until after work to listen to it with The Man. It was restaurant week so we went out for a fancy date- ordered waters- and listened to the message together.

“Hi, this is the nurse from Dr. X’s office. I’m sorry to tell you this over the phone, but your pregnancy test was negative.” I basically stopped listening after “I’m sorry”. Another cycle that didn’t work. We had a great dinner and I had a glass of wine, which was followed by 4 straight hours of watching Felicity DVDs and 2 more glasses of wine, followed by a drunken slumber.

On Friday I went away for the weekend on a silent retreat. That’s right. I spent the entire weekend in silence, and it was beautiful. I was the youngest there by quite a few years (the majority of the crowd had canes and walkers) but that didn’t matter. Even though none of us talked to each other, our communal silence was powerful, and healing.

I spent the weekend reflecting, writing, listening and praying to God about what to do next, and how to stay sane and hopeful in the meantime. I’m not sure that I got answers (I’ll share some road sings in another post) but I felt peaceful. I’m hoping as Lent starts today to continue that sense of peace and trust in God… whatever the plan may be.

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One thought on “Silence

  1. I am sorry to hear about the negative test. I know it is hard to get that hope to well up again, but I am sure it will… I am a little envious that you went on a silent retreat! I have found more and more that I want the noises of phones and televisions to go away and am embracing the silence more. Many hugs to you.

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