First, I have to say that I feel very lucky that my body is responding to these drugs as well as it is. I know some women don’t respond, so I want to be respectful of that fact.
So far, I’ve been taking 75 follistim and on our first ultrasound I have 4 follicles ranging from 9-11mm. I was pretty stoked and my lining was at 9b (whatever that means) I saw that it said 9.1 cm. I’m pretty sure that’s good.
Today I went in and they only showed 2 follicles- one big mama at 16×17 and then another one that I forgot the measurement of. My right side had 4 follicles around 10mm, but I don’t think those will pop. SUPER bummer.
She initially wanted me to come in tomorrow for another ultrasound, but I have an all day presentation out of town, so she said, it will be fine, they want the follicles between 15-20, and mine is right in that range (plus 3 days of growth before it pops). I feel pretty comfortable with this line of reasoning, but I don’t want to waste this IUI, either. I still have 4 more cycles of drugs covered, but I don’t want to be making stupid decisions… it’s at these times that I wish I had LESS information. Most people conceive and have no clue how “thick” their endometrium is, how their follicles measure or how many they ovulate. I need to remind myself that while we are pursuing treatment and that’s a good thing for us right now, I CAN’T control everything. So what if there’s 2 follicles- one more than normal, and it only takes ONE. I also don’t have a cancelled cycle, so that’s good too. The end game is getting pregnant with one healthy baby, and the odds are certainly in my favor for that. I think sometimes all of this information can be more stressful. I’m trying to approach it with the thought that I know I will ovulate, we will get the sperm up as close as they can get, and then we wait for God to do the rest. Ultimately He is the one who decides if it works or not. We can help as much as we can, but conception is still a great miracle and blessing and I have to remember that I am NOT in control… (maybe if I say it a lot it will stick!).
It’s sometimes too much, though.
Like yesterday- I went to acupuncture (I go weekly, and then I add a session right before and right after my IUI because they have research that shows it increases your success by 60%- per my acpuncturist) and he asked what was new. I told him we were doing an injectable and IUI cycle, and that I was put on a very low dose thyroid medicine to help with my thyroid. He took my pulse, and then I looked at him and said, “So what’s wrong with me?” and he says, “Honestly, everything is fine, I don’t know.” And for some people that may have been frustrating, but it was SO liberating. Yes! None of us have an effing clue what is going on with my body and why it’s not getting pregnant. I don’t have PCOS, I ovulate regularly, I eat well, I’m not overweight, I don’t have endometriosis symptoms, I don’t have celiac disease… I mean my thyroid is SLIGHTLY elevated, but that’s it! (and it’s borderline, if that). So really- what is it? I can continue to do acupuncture once a week with shots in my abdomen every other day plus the fun vitamin cocktail I’m taking… but for how long and until I’m at what point?
I hate that right before out IUI I’m feeling so apathetic about this process. “Whatever” has become my favorite word and it makes me sad. I LIKE being peppy like pollyanna, and I enjoy having hope. I’m going to try my best to live in the moment this cycle and be happy and hopeful, if not for anyone (babies, husband) then for myself because this is not gonna fly anymore.